The Fly Zone

I am watching my cat, Smokey, who is chirping at some invisible-to-my-eyes distraction on the wall. He is intently watching whatever he sees and stealthily stalking it.  His sister, Magic, has joined him now and they have just captured a fly and are swatting it between them.  For these two little cats, in this moment, catching (and eventually eating) the fly is their entire world.

The inner world is my 'fly zone' these days; I watch it carefully for every motion. I am examining motivations and noticing those knee jerk impulses.  Without this kind of close observation, I might easily make rapid-fire decisions based on emotional desires- desires for attention or praise, desire to fill a space when I desperately need to remain in its emptiness.

Staying with this practice is where I need to be right now-- though the world tries to pull me into its craziness.  I believe this self-examination work is essential, and will gradually allow me to move into a clearer reality.  It is polishing the heart which in time also polishes the voice of justice.

So I look and I ask:  Why do I feel anger or sadness or hurt during a conversation where no harm was intended?  And if I cling tightly to something or someone is it out of love, or out of fear?   I watch my wants and needs arise without demanding they be met.  I watch them and I let them go; noticing where I am being called; asking inner questions instead of reacting; and when there is silence, allowing the silence to be.