The meaning of the name Camille in French is 'perfect'. The Sufi teacher, Camille Helminski, told me this today. Camille's parents found her name in a book by Dumas; I found the name in a painting by Monet.
A few days ago my husband showed me the video "Perfect" by Pink...It was a very difficult video for me to watch, hitting so many personal, painful chords.
A few things though are becoming clear:
1- Too, too many young girls and women are bullied and assaulted physically, sexually, and emotionally-- by individuals and by our culture at large.
2- Loneliness and isolation are painful- there is a longing for belonging;
3- The imprisoned soul longs to breathe and cries for fullness of being. There is a longing for wholeness.Who is the stranger this longing seeks? A mirror of ourselves radiant and free.
4- Too too many young girls and women have longed for and have taken the pain out on themselves, on their own lives.
5- Healing begins at home, with ourselves, in our most personal relationships, but has far-reaching effects.
6- Something in me is raging, rising like a dragon on fire, demanding a larger justice.
On the banks of the river a few months ago, as the rain pounded down upon the gazebo, a friend guided me in a systemic constellation--which I might describe as a physical guided meditation process using the felt sense of the body and intuition to connect with our pasts, ancestors, etc.. In the pounding downpour I heard and felt our ancient mother's crying. I experienced her power, heard her calling, and felt the charge in my bones to stand up to defend the woman and nature under attack. That weekend I dressed up as Artemis, the hunter, an archetype of the woman warrior/protectress. (It was our spiritual direction shadow party... though it was rage personified I wanted to reveal, there was another self there who needed to emerge- a stronger warrior archetype than I had allowed to be seen. What is it you are willing to stand for, to live for, to die for? The answer was beginning to emerge in me.)
And then there were the visions and dreams filtered throughout the summer- real life stories remembered and told. The cries at Wounded Knee. The woman who drowned in the river. And a phone call. I heard and grasped at that which upholds all of life, promising that healing was possible. And I felt the Spirit present in the pain.
A few weeks ago in a fit of rage, images of my past overran me in a dreamlike state... I grabbed the nearest book and banged it against a wall. Looking down, I saw the name of the book I held: Woman and Nature. What irony! Oh, how many times will we continue to slam her up against a wall... and will I do this too to my own self?
There is still so much healing needed-- we must begin in this fundamental place to heal centuries of oppression, centuries of pain. We must begin by reclaiming the goddess within (all of us, male and female), knowing her power as part of this necessary healing work.
******
There is one ever constant gift that I hold as a knowing for the reason of this healing work. Her name means perfect, and she always has been to me.
She is nine and these days she likes to fall asleep to guided meditations. I set her up with an ap on her tablet, and we are insight timer friends. Every night she sends me sweet messages, which I read and respond in my own silent sit. Tonight I tell her:
The name Camille is Jamila in Arabic, and in that language it means 'Beautiful'. You don't have to be perfect to be beautiful, my dear one. Your beauty radiates from within; it is your soul. May your soul shine brightly!
Oh mom, you silly goose, she may write me back.... What's your favorite sparkly color? I read her little slogan- Be loving, like me!
And she is... loving. And perfect. To me.
A few days ago my husband showed me the video "Perfect" by Pink...It was a very difficult video for me to watch, hitting so many personal, painful chords.
A few things though are becoming clear:
1- Too, too many young girls and women are bullied and assaulted physically, sexually, and emotionally-- by individuals and by our culture at large.
2- Loneliness and isolation are painful- there is a longing for belonging;
3- The imprisoned soul longs to breathe and cries for fullness of being. There is a longing for wholeness.Who is the stranger this longing seeks? A mirror of ourselves radiant and free.
4- Too too many young girls and women have longed for and have taken the pain out on themselves, on their own lives.
5- Healing begins at home, with ourselves, in our most personal relationships, but has far-reaching effects.
6- Something in me is raging, rising like a dragon on fire, demanding a larger justice.
On the banks of the river a few months ago, as the rain pounded down upon the gazebo, a friend guided me in a systemic constellation--which I might describe as a physical guided meditation process using the felt sense of the body and intuition to connect with our pasts, ancestors, etc.. In the pounding downpour I heard and felt our ancient mother's crying. I experienced her power, heard her calling, and felt the charge in my bones to stand up to defend the woman and nature under attack. That weekend I dressed up as Artemis, the hunter, an archetype of the woman warrior/protectress. (It was our spiritual direction shadow party... though it was rage personified I wanted to reveal, there was another self there who needed to emerge- a stronger warrior archetype than I had allowed to be seen. What is it you are willing to stand for, to live for, to die for? The answer was beginning to emerge in me.)
And then there were the visions and dreams filtered throughout the summer- real life stories remembered and told. The cries at Wounded Knee. The woman who drowned in the river. And a phone call. I heard and grasped at that which upholds all of life, promising that healing was possible. And I felt the Spirit present in the pain.
A few weeks ago in a fit of rage, images of my past overran me in a dreamlike state... I grabbed the nearest book and banged it against a wall. Looking down, I saw the name of the book I held: Woman and Nature. What irony! Oh, how many times will we continue to slam her up against a wall... and will I do this too to my own self?
There is still so much healing needed-- we must begin in this fundamental place to heal centuries of oppression, centuries of pain. We must begin by reclaiming the goddess within (all of us, male and female), knowing her power as part of this necessary healing work.
******
There is one ever constant gift that I hold as a knowing for the reason of this healing work. Her name means perfect, and she always has been to me.
She is nine and these days she likes to fall asleep to guided meditations. I set her up with an ap on her tablet, and we are insight timer friends. Every night she sends me sweet messages, which I read and respond in my own silent sit. Tonight I tell her:
The name Camille is Jamila in Arabic, and in that language it means 'Beautiful'. You don't have to be perfect to be beautiful, my dear one. Your beauty radiates from within; it is your soul. May your soul shine brightly!
Oh mom, you silly goose, she may write me back.... What's your favorite sparkly color? I read her little slogan- Be loving, like me!
And she is... loving. And perfect. To me.
No comments:
Post a Comment