There are problems- aches, hopes, longings- that the mind cannot solve. There is a way of tossing those around through the mind a thousand times, only to come up with a fiercer worry, a more dreaded pain than when I started. And it is then that I realize I must lay they these concerns upon an altar, offer up some cry to the source of love, the ground of my being, the angels of my night, whatever and whoever I might call God-- not something I can name, but only know within as ultimate compassion. Prayer is surrender; it is letting go.
This morning I met with my spiritual director and I told him the dream I'd had a few weeks ago while on silent retreat. In this dream Mary Magdalene called to me- come let's go find Eden. I don't know what the dream might have meant, but I have been reading about Mary Magdalene ever since, and celebrating her ministry, her prophetic voice, her spirituality as it is lifted up in the gnostic gospels. The 'apostle to the apostles' is not the woman of devotional abandon and expensive oils, but the companion of Jesus- first preacher to preach a message of full humanness and everlasting life in the here and now, after the grave: mystic and prophet, leader and minister...and like so many women of religion, buried in the rubble of time.
She moves in me, much in the same way other strong female pilgrims of deep spirit have in the past. The spirit of Margaret Fuller, especially, has led me on a hell of a journey so far...she is still a very real part of my life. I open the door and am curious now to see where Mary of Magdalene will lead me too.
To be led-- not only by these archetypes, but by the spirit of life and a deeper sense of knowing in my being. Prayers are expressions of longing, but they are also answered in unexpected ways. I feel sadness, a sense of loss, especially at this time of year... but I also feel hope in the surrender, the letting go, the offering. I don't know where I am going...I don't know what lies ahead...but may the Spirit lead.
This morning I met with my spiritual director and I told him the dream I'd had a few weeks ago while on silent retreat. In this dream Mary Magdalene called to me- come let's go find Eden. I don't know what the dream might have meant, but I have been reading about Mary Magdalene ever since, and celebrating her ministry, her prophetic voice, her spirituality as it is lifted up in the gnostic gospels. The 'apostle to the apostles' is not the woman of devotional abandon and expensive oils, but the companion of Jesus- first preacher to preach a message of full humanness and everlasting life in the here and now, after the grave: mystic and prophet, leader and minister...and like so many women of religion, buried in the rubble of time.
She moves in me, much in the same way other strong female pilgrims of deep spirit have in the past. The spirit of Margaret Fuller, especially, has led me on a hell of a journey so far...she is still a very real part of my life. I open the door and am curious now to see where Mary of Magdalene will lead me too.
To be led-- not only by these archetypes, but by the spirit of life and a deeper sense of knowing in my being. Prayers are expressions of longing, but they are also answered in unexpected ways. I feel sadness, a sense of loss, especially at this time of year... but I also feel hope in the surrender, the letting go, the offering. I don't know where I am going...I don't know what lies ahead...but may the Spirit lead.
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