Saturday, November 2, 2013

Wisdom in Unknowing

There is wisdom in unknowing.  Wisdom in the in between time- when so much is budding, and the imperative to rush and fill in the blanks of an unknown future is hard to resist.  But there is wisdom in waiting, in allowing life to unfold on its own, as we simply cherish and appreciate all that has come to bring us to this present moment.

The present moment is rich.  Next week I will experience my final spiritual direction training session at Silver Bay retreat and conference center, and I will celebrate with my cohorts and graduate a certified spiritual director.  The past fourteen months has been packed with blessings and with challenges.  Tomorrow morning I will meet with a directee, and I know there will be blessings in the encounter as we seek and know the holy. This path is sacred.

At work, things are changing too.  Doors have opened, and I see the commitment and leadership I can offer to creating wholeness and well-being among staff; I have begun to bring my soul to work, and in that offering to create a program where we are sustained and nurtured spiritually.

In my congregation, the blessings are present.  Over the past few months, space has opened for me to share these gifts with my fellow congregants, with the support of a wonderful minister and congregation that also cares about me and my self-care. The challenge here is to temper my own enthusiasm- to watch and to deepen in the places where I already stand, to open and cast down roots into the tender soil, so I am secured, committed, involved- rather than rushing into the ego trap of 'do it all'.

In my family, there is gratitude.  My husband and I are growing and learning together. Children are growing their gems of goodness, their compassionate hearts.  There are still those rocky moments, but we are supported and held.

I am appreciative of my UU community for helping to nurture family also.  This- as part of the congregation's whole RE program- has allowed us to grow spiritually together.  Seeing the Unitarian Universalist path as one of ethical development rooted in faith tradition and nurtured by community, I offer my own support to this mix as a spiritual director, and see what is growing in my children as proof of a living tradition.  For this I am grateful.

Doors have opened to allow me to walk into greater public ministry... I am not certain yet how I will step through them, but opportunities have arisen.  I've received acceptance as a lay community minister by the Unitarian Universalist Society for Community Ministries (UUSCM), and I have been offered space to offer spiritual direction at the Hope Center in Newburgh.  Recently I have also been given the incredible opportunity to lead the next cohort for New (under-40 years old) Contemplatives at Spiritual Directors International 2014 Conference in Santa Fe.  I am excited and energized to accept these calls and to step forward in my commitment in public ministry, in service- but I am also cautious that my steps be guided and rooted in Spirit.

It is all pretty astonishing-- all the richness of this life, all the opening.  And yet, over and over, the most important wisdom lies in the silence, in the waiting, in the space between.  God calls through the cracks, through the openings, through the pauses, through the space between breaths-- like water through rock, like stream through crevice.  Loving me, sustaining me, allowing me to simply be.  And even as I sense the overwhelm- the moving beyond the security of the known into the places I have yet to travel- I hear the words of Thomas Merton singing in me- "My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going... I do not see the road ahead of me...."

Perhaps I see many possible roads, but where these lead, I have no idea.  But I am not lost.  For there is wisdom in unknowing, wisdom in letting go, wisdom in trust. Wisdom in living fully into that great mystery, that great question of Life.







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