It's a warm night and in the deep womb of meditation, I see and hold the pain. It is easier to bear now, and I do not wallow in it. Nor can I ignore it. If the road to wholeness means integration, then I can only arrive there by bringing all that is hidden to light.
Recently a dream revealed a struggle I am facing. In the dream I held a wounded kitten that had crossed a busy street on its own. But I could not leave a job I held in a crowded children's camp to go and care for this kitten with the broken leg. I was torn between responsibilities and the one that needed healing. This was not the first kitten dream I've had, and reflecting further I recognized that I was the wounded animal...and all that was keeping me held was illusion. I knew what I had to do in the dream and finding someone else to fill in for my job responsibilities, I left to take the cat to the vet. I took care of my wounded self in need of healing.
But care does not mean wallowing; it means tending to wounds with the intention of soothing and making one better. The past week I've struggled with anixiety, and responded in self-negating ways. On this roller coaster ride, trust has ebbed and been broken. And I've still found the strength to rise, to find my core of resilient inner life.
Little by little I get through... not alone, but surrounded by kind gestures--like the crates a co-worker lent me and the merit another dedicates to me in her practice. Like the countless kindnesses of community support from work, family, church, neighbors, and friends I have known forever. How rich I am! Though so much may feel uncertain- job, family, home, health- how rich I am in the spirit of friendship and connection. How blessed I am with joy and ever-growing courage. How loved I am by God.
I am not the center of this circle...it is more a web. And in this interconnected web, I too dedicate this merit and send prayers for many near and far. As a friend who is facing cancer shared with me-- she is holding this tumor not as her enemy, but as a wild animal in need of taming...like a part of herself that she will tend and gently remove before it causes her harm. I hold all these ones, and their pain as well tonight.
May we envision wholeness... may what we bring to life in Self, in our consciousness, expand into greatest healing for this ravaged and torn apart world.
Amen.
Recently a dream revealed a struggle I am facing. In the dream I held a wounded kitten that had crossed a busy street on its own. But I could not leave a job I held in a crowded children's camp to go and care for this kitten with the broken leg. I was torn between responsibilities and the one that needed healing. This was not the first kitten dream I've had, and reflecting further I recognized that I was the wounded animal...and all that was keeping me held was illusion. I knew what I had to do in the dream and finding someone else to fill in for my job responsibilities, I left to take the cat to the vet. I took care of my wounded self in need of healing.
But care does not mean wallowing; it means tending to wounds with the intention of soothing and making one better. The past week I've struggled with anixiety, and responded in self-negating ways. On this roller coaster ride, trust has ebbed and been broken. And I've still found the strength to rise, to find my core of resilient inner life.
Little by little I get through... not alone, but surrounded by kind gestures--like the crates a co-worker lent me and the merit another dedicates to me in her practice. Like the countless kindnesses of community support from work, family, church, neighbors, and friends I have known forever. How rich I am! Though so much may feel uncertain- job, family, home, health- how rich I am in the spirit of friendship and connection. How blessed I am with joy and ever-growing courage. How loved I am by God.
I am not the center of this circle...it is more a web. And in this interconnected web, I too dedicate this merit and send prayers for many near and far. As a friend who is facing cancer shared with me-- she is holding this tumor not as her enemy, but as a wild animal in need of taming...like a part of herself that she will tend and gently remove before it causes her harm. I hold all these ones, and their pain as well tonight.
May we envision wholeness... may what we bring to life in Self, in our consciousness, expand into greatest healing for this ravaged and torn apart world.
Amen.
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