Sanctuary

There is another song on my heart tonight.  Sanctuary is a Christian worship and praise song-  though I first heard it in a synagogue, while sitting next to a UU friend and behind a man I'd met on a Buddhist retreat.  The Presbyterian minister played it on his guitar, and we sang it over and over that night like a taize chant in the interfaith candlelight service held in my town in the wake of the Newtown shootings last December.  It was a balm for my hurting soul, as we lit candles in that sanctuary, and repeated these words.

Oh Lord prepare me... to be a sanctuary, pure and holy, tried and true

and with thanksgiving, I'll be a living, sanctuary, oh for you.

I am struggling with my own scars that have resurfaced in unexpected ways the past few weeks. I joked recently that it was shadow month (we are supposed to dress as our shadow self at our visit to Silver Bay next weekend)- but I did not know the shadow would be showing up all over the place and knocking me over in real life. Though it is bitter tasting medicine, there is wisdom to be gleaned from her arrival-- the unveiling of my limits, the humbling of my arrogant 'I can do it all' attitude, the revelation of my foolish attempts to play savior to others, and the turning of my heart in prayer- if only to cry out, 'I surrender... help me'.   

In the helplessness and the hurting, I sing- a soul in search of refuge and peace.  And I pray for the wholeness of God to create holy space in me, to be near and close and present, and to create sanctuary- a safe space for healing in my home, my life, and within.